Dating Games – Anger Management

 

Anger management is a serious subject. The games we play, while trying to side step a partners issues, may be a less than powerful way of maintaining a relationship. In the paragraph below, a young woman wants to fix her relationship.

“My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and we have been arguing a lot … When he is calm, he is the sweetest person ever. We have plenty of great times together. But … He flips out to everyone around him. No food in the house? Picks up the phone to cuss his mom out. Somebody cuts him off? Gets furious … I ask him to stop, and ask him if it was worth it … Then he calms down. … what I want to see is him not get so furious all the time. I stopped smoking because he hated it, but he clearly knows I have an occasional cigarette … but when he sees me place a pack in my bag, he threatens to break them. … I was working out at the gym at school, running a treadmill … Out of nowhere he pulls me to get off … I had no idea he was even there. He is making a huge scene in the gym, and I could not calm him down. He was furious because he had to practice for a presentation, and he needed to get something out of the car to which I had the keys … It’s not my fault [he] knew I had [his] keys and [he] knew I was going to the gym. He could have [gone] with me to the car earlier. He takes out his anger on me for his own actions. He makes fits often when it comes to drinking and partying. He gets upset when I have multiple tabs up [and] my computer is running slow [or] he doesn’t get what he wants … I’m so sick of this. When I explain to him that he has to change, he understands and even cries because he doesn’t want to lose me. Then it happens again the next day and I see no change. He blames his actions on his “anxiety” which is just an excuse to be pissed. I love him, and I want to try my best to help him control his anger in situations where it is sudden, and public. Even when we are alone. How can I do this? …thinking about leaving him, because he is very lost as a person … He’s been going to school for 5 years now, and he still needs one more year to earn a degree.”

My response to her: Oftentimes we don’t act happy in a situation because we don’t like the situation – not realizing that that bad behavior isn’t going to change the situation. After 5 years of school, I’m sure he’s not happy with his lack of accomplishment, but it’s the situation he’s mad at and not you personally.

Imagine being so strong that you could smile and love him unconditionally inspite of whatever upset he’s having. At first he would wonder why you are smiling, “this isn’t funny,” he would say. But over time, his behavior would probably change as he witnessed (thru you) what it looks like when someone takes responsibility for his or her own happiness.

You see, you’re not responsible for him. You’re not responsible for his happiness. The only thing you’re responsible for is your own happiness. Your happiness is a choice. Make the choice and it’s yours. It has nothing to do with him. Choose it powerfully enough and it will make a difference with him because eventually he will see what it looks like and follow your lead.

My fiancée used to have severe bouts of depression, but I didn’t follow her lead. I continued with my own happiness determined to have a wonderful life – whether she did or not. At times, I left her behind. I didn’t let it drag me down, because I didn’t take it personally – it wasn’t about me.

Over time, she began to follow my lead. Now when she’s upset about something she yells at me and I yell back and often we both end up laughing – having fun with making fun of each other. We’re going on our sixth year. And now, whenever she does get depressed, it’s only for a few hours and not three straight days like it was in the beginning.

Be strong and confident in your own happiness and chances are it will disarm him. But when you become unhappy with him – it only empowers his ego and justifies the discomfort he is finding in his life’s situation.

 

The Best Psychology Degree Online – An Honest Review

Online psychology degrees are the most popular social science degrees. There are 13 main branches of psychology to consider.


 

  1. Abnormal psychology – is essentially the study of what is normal and abnormal, but it also entails a search for psychological or biological causes. (Is it your upbringing, or your genes?)
  2. Behavioral psychology – or behaviorism, is more akin to a philosophy degree. Behaviorists tend to be writers who publish their experiments from an almost philosophical standpoint.
  3. Biopsychology – otherwise known as behavioral neuroscience, this is a research profession, which entails dissecting animal brains and viewing under a microscope the effects of experimentation. There is a lot of grant money available for this field of work.
  4. Cognitive psychology – the study of consciousness, some consider this a hard degree, because of the additional studying involved. However, finding a working model of consciousness that is widely accepted by psychologists would be a great historical achievement.
  5. Comparative psychology – is the study of how animals compare to humans, or other species.
  6. Cross-cultural psychology – is the study of how cultures compare in terms of common behaviors.
  7. Developmental Psychology – or child psychology, is the study of how childhood decisions affect adult behavior.
  8. Educational Psychology – the psychology of teaching, entails finding the most effective teaching methods.
  9. Experimental Psychology – is where you use humans as guinea pigs to see what makes them tick.
  10. Forensic Psychology – involves spending the majority of time exploring the minds of criminals and testifying in court as an expert witness.
  11. Health Psychology – is the study of how an unhealthy body can affect an otherwise healthy mind.
  12. Personality Psychology – a broad list of theories, this is the study of what makes people different as well as alike.
  13. Social Psychology – when people are present you act differently, this is the study of why you act differently. (Not to be confused with sociology)

Without a doubt, the above summaries are gross generalizations. I recommend picking two or more of these main branches and then follow the Wikipedia links to find out more. After researching the topics most interesting, try picturing yourself doing the work involved.Where Your Degree Can Take You

When choosing a degree, there are three main bases to consider; 1) searching for truth, 2) creating a product, or 3) providing a community service. Throughout our lives, we spend time thinking about all three of these. The trick is to find which one suits you the most.

The studies involved in (1) “search for the truth,” may be more philosophical or scientific, and involve more writing and publishing. This pursuit may be more academic and teaching related, rather than corporate job related.

If you are more of a truth seeker who is interested in psychology, then you may want to consider something a bit more broadly like – Sociology – the pursuit of understanding social processes.

(2) “Creating a product,” or manufacturing, in the field of psychology may involve a secondary degree, for example: creating electronic equipment for biofeedback therapy, or writing a program for step-by-step addiction recovery software. Even getting a business degree with a psychology degree can be valuable to a corporate human resources department.

The third basis however, (3) “providing a community service,” is where the field of psychology is wide open. Counseling services of all kinds provide valuable services to the community.

Being a licensed therapist however, may require a graduate degree. Many states require at least a master’s degree to become a licensed counselor. I suggest doing any graduate work at a campus-based university simply for the lab and fieldwork required.

Contact the Psych department at whichever university you want to study at and ask them if they accept online degrees as a prerequisite for their graduate program. In other words, the best online psychology degree will be the one your graduate school recommends.

Most Psychologists have a PhD. or a Psy.D. In addition, to a two-year internship/residency, so think about the possible ten-year commitment that it takes when pursuing the route of a therapist.

It is best to be prepared for these following requirements.

Aside from the GRE or the GRE Psychology Subject Test, some universities will require you to take a number of classes and/or have a certain GPA from such classes before admittance to their graduate program.

Beyond having good grades and test scores, you may be required to submit three letters of recommendation as well as a resume of your psychology related work. Be prepared for that as well.

Another thing to consider is the potential income. If you are looking for wealth, then attending medical school and becoming an MD psychiatrist may be a better option. For more information, I suggest researching the Bureau of Labor Statistics when considering online psychology degrees.