WHAT DO YOU WANT?

When I was in my twenties, I looked back at my childhood and realized how grownup I had become. When I was in my thirties, I looked back at my twenties and realized that I had been so like a child, and I decided that now I was truly grown. But when I was in my forties, I looked back at how childlike I had been in my thirties and realized that this was a never ending process.

6th Grade
6th Grade

If we want to grow as individuals, then mastering the game of life is an important goal—especially in learning how to focus on a worthy purpose. I believe that one of the most important things about starting personal growth is personal candor: how honest can you be with yourself?

Being honest with yourself, honest enough to admit what you want, is at the heart of choosing a good life. Not that you’re always going to be successful, but I suspect that it’s impossible to have a life that you love if you don’t even know what that is.

What’s at the heart of what you want to understand?

Personally, I want to understand reflexive responses—why we behave the way that we do.

The power or liberation that I seek the most is to understand how the universe works and our potential role in it, and how to preserve the spirit and dignity of future generations.

The thoughts that excite and inspire me the most are the realizations expressed in my book “In Search of an Army”.

These thoughts are the conversations that I want to have most of all. But do I feel so at ease that there’s nothing about me seeking something else, or do I often feel a need to be right, safe, or cooperative? So far I seem to fluctuate between the two. As a result, I am not always living from within my deepest sense of power, and I am not giving all the energy that I have to give.

It is so easy to blame myself for not giving all that I have to give. So far, I have not lived each moment with a heightened sense of existence, completely committed to amplifying freedom. When dealing with other people I generally just go along to get along. My compassion often consists of establishing a common ground with those around me and nothing more. And I do that in such a way that my input is not empowering to others.

It is so easy to get caught up in the gossip that drags us down. And the lackadaisicalness of just fitting in leaves me empty and wanting more.

How functional one’s life is however, depends on setting goals. When I talk about the goals that I’ve set for myself, I’m inviting others to hold me to them. As a result, I’m giving others a chance to inspire me instead of always trying to figure out how to inspire them. If I’m going to push myself, then I’m going to want to optimize every opportunity to grow. That would be hard to do without asking others to help in some way; therefore, achieving the most is going to require talking about it.

I haven’t mastered an enlightened mindset. I don’t always feel comfortable with the words coming out of my mouth, but I want to challenge myself to grow my awareness, understanding, and ability to relate.

The concepts in personal growth that are discussed in my book are tools for self-control. Much of my book is about what I’ve found empowering about my choice in who I’m being. Also, it’s about what I’ve realized through the faith that inspires me to find and carry out a purpose. Sometimes these concepts fit and sometimes they don’t. I want to keep an open mind. “In Search of an Army,” is not about feeling good, or placating the ego—although I’m sure that’s going to happen, no matter what anybody writes.

However, I am grateful for my freedom. The thing that I consider a problem is the lack of meaningful conversation that a less than fully self-expressed life brings. And I often wonder if my writing is the best way to communicate what I have to say.

If I continue with business as usual, then there is one thing that is predictable: I will continue being less than fully self-expressed. But I want to be someone who is fun-loving and surrounded by good friends.

What if who I want to be is who I really am? Then I will be fun to be around.
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